Learn to survive — and thrive — no matter what comes your way

I've seen people do all kinds of things to relieve anxiety. Some have a glass of wine at dinner. Others shop or eat. But these are troubling times — with hurricanes, tsunamis, war, and acts of terrorism — and if drinking, eating, or hitting the mall is your way offending off anxiety over the state of the world, you should know that the bill will eventually come due. And I don't mean just the credit card statement. Such coping methods do nothing to build your inner strength and resiliency. Fortunately, there are ways to nurture true inner peace when outer peace isn't an option.

A few months ago, a woman I'll call Nancy attended one of my seminars. Nancy had been through hard times: Three years earlier her house had burned down; then her husband's National Guard unit shipped out to Iraq, and when he returned he was angry, depressed, and traumatized. The couple got therapy yet grew further apart until, finally, her husband asked for a divorce. Nancy realized she had a choice: She could drown in self-pity or move forward. After seeing how the trauma of war had torn up her husband, she wanted to make a difference with her life. So, at 35, she enrolled in nursing school.

I think even Nancy was surprised by her resilience. But her leap into a life of greater meaning came from a simple change in outlook. She shifted her focus from her own problems to the difficulties of others. And that one change brought her clarity and peace.

8 Ways to Make the Most Out of Your Last Competition

If competitions are what you make of them--and if your Last big national competition is right around the corner, make sure that you don't let any moments, big or small, flip right past you. Chances are that you're feeling a million mixed emotions right now. After all, your teammates probably haven't just become your closest friends, they've also become like a second family. Whether you plan to cheer in college, become a staff instructor, coach at an all-star gym or hang up your poms for good after this year, vow to make your last big competition unforgettable.

Here are eight surefire ways to make the most out of the season's last competition, plus 10 extra ideas for your teammates and coaches.

1. Get Connected
Remember the Girl Scout song that goes, "Make new friends but keep the old?" One of the best ways to make your last competition count is by mingling with other teams and getting to know their cheerleaders on your own. Bring a notebook to jot down the e-mail addresses and phone numbers of your competitors. Talk to competition staffers if you want to become a camp instructor, and spend time with your coach one-on-one while you're away. After all, who better to get that much-needed college cheer advice from than someone who cheered herself?.

2. Pass It Along
Give the returning cheerleaders something to remember you by next season: Create a spirited poem, inspirational quote page or make a decorative framed picture and give it to your teammates at the Last practice before Nationals. It'll inspire them next year and may even become a squad tradition.

3. Scrapbook It
Take lots of pictures throughout your trip and scrapbook them afterwards. Make sure you collect the little things along the way too, such as plane tickets, restaurant business cards, confetti, hair bows, etc.

4. Be a Savvy Traveler
Make the bus, plane or car as fun as possible by bringing along games, quizzes, magazines and music. While you're at it, why not show off your senior style, too? "We make special bag tags for the seniors' luggage," says Ashley Parish and Alora Price of Oak Harbor HS in Oak Harbor, WA.

Also, consider wearing the same cheer shirts on the plane or sporting cute cheer bows in your hair.

5. Fun in the Sun
Headed to Disney? Competing right near the beach? If there's time and your coach gives you the OK, hit up local attractions like amusement parks, the hotel pool, cool restaurants or beachy spots to get the most out of your trip. Quick tip: You might be able to score discount passes through the competition company or get a cheaper rate because you're a student, so don't be afraid to ask!

6. Pump Up the Jams
You probably sing the songs in your competition routine every day, so why not take them with you as a memento? "Make a CD with all of the songs your squad has used in competition routines," says Katie LeBlanc of the Sparks All-Stars in Stoughton, MA. For a funny bonus CD, speed up or slow down the tempo, or write cute quotes from your teammates on the inside case cover.

7. Host a Sleepover or Nationals Party
If your parents give you the thumbs up and you've got enough space, consider hosting a Nationals sleepover, pizza party or ice cream social at your home. "Throw a slumber party for everyone close to Nationals," says Chelsea Nosworthy of Paul Laurence Dunbar HS in Lexinginton, KY. If space is limited, find out if your coach can rent out a hotel room on behalf of the seniors. "Sometimes we go to hotels, rent out a room and have a swimming party [instead]."

8. Toughen Up
If this is your last Nationals, then you've got even more cause for motivation--how about finally landing that standing tuck or full? "I'm taking private [lessons] to get my round-off back handspring for competition this year," says Heather Maher of the Spirit Celebration All-Stars in Piano, TX. "I want to set a good example for the rest of my team and gain a sense of accomplishment and pride for everything I achieved this year."

Competition Blowout!
If you're not a senior, give your graduating seniors an ultra-special send-off. A cheerleader's last competition is a super big deal, so here are just a few ways your teammates and coaches can show the seniors how much they'll be missed.

By Colleen Leonard

50 Sex Tricks No Guy Can Resist

Rounded up from our loyal and lusty readers, the touch, tease, and please techniques that'll make your man want to tattoo your name on his chest. 1-9

• "Sometimes I take my boyfriend browsing in lingerie stores. Being surrounded by that silky stuff turns us both on. When we get home, I show him my own lacy undies."

--Finula(*), 27

• "I bend over my man and lightly drag my long hair over his back, butt, and legs. He loves the way the strands feel grazing his body."

--Rebecca, 24

• "I'm normally pretty shy in the sack, but one day I watched this steamy sex movie and got inspired. When my guy came home, I pulled him into the bedroom and pretended I was acting in the flick. He was totally turned on by my role reversal."

--Rosa, 21

• "My man and I play this game: We ask each other trivia questions, and if the person gets it fight, whoever asked has to take off a piece of clothing. The emphasis on slowly undressing really puts us in the mood."

--Melanie, 20

• "I wake my husband up in the morning with oral sex. I start slowly and softly, and when he opens his eyes, I give him the full deal."

--Kendra, 27

• "Sometimes I'll indulge my guy on his terms. I put on music, slip into his old football jersey, and do it on the couch while the game's on."

--Chris, 25

• "I interlace my fingers and move them up and down my man's penis. He loves the added friction from the inside of my knuckles."

--Samantha, 28

• "I take a warm bath, shave my legs, and lather on lotion. Then I put on one of my man's white tee shirts with nothing under it, and I cook us dinner. When he gets a peek at my naked buns as I bend over to grab a dish, he says he can hardly wait to have me."

--Nicole, 28

• "Guys flip when I kiss, lick, and suck their nipples."

--Amy, 27
10-19

• "My guy digs it when I kiss his earlobes. It sounds simple, but he says it makes his knees weak."

--Deirdre, 23

• "Three things: Enigma, Barry White, and Sade. Listen to their music and it'll all happen naturally."

--Holly, 29

• "I have a lacy white teddy that my boyfriend loves. Sometimes he'll call me at work and ask if I'll wear it that night. He says just thinking about it keeps him excited all day."

--Maria, 26

• "I caress my guy's perineum (the area between his anus and testicles) with my fingers. When I lightly massage that spot, he starts moaning."

--Elena, 29

• "At the movies, my guy and I hold hands, and as I massage his palms and fingers, the sexual tension builds. By the time we get to the car, we're all over each other."

--Amanda, 26

• "I let my man brush my hair and put lotion on me after I shower. It's really sensual, and all that touching pumps up our passion."

--Yvonne, 27

• "When I kiss my man, I take his tongue in my mouth and gently suck on it. It sends him into orbit!"

--Jamie, 21

• "To get totally turned on, I just think of the intense way he looks at me when I'm climaxing."

--Laura, 26

• "I drive my guy wild by pressing my breasts into his back when we're out at a crowded bar. Then I whisper in his ear, `I want you so badly.' No surprise, we're home in minutes."

--Lizzie, 26

• "I have long nails and I use them to tickle my guy's entire body--his back, legs, and chest."

--Jacqui, 27
20-29

• "My boyfriend and I videotape ourselves having sex, then we wait a few months before watching it. It's like seeing Titanic again--you know what happens, but you can't remember the exact sequence or any of the details. It's always exciting!"

--Tamara, 28

• "I smear scented oil all over my man's penis and let him slip inside me. The friction warms up the oil and makes for the hottest sex."

--Heather, 23

• "My man and I have a code phrase for sex. It started out as `Want to make some bacon?' Now when we're in public, he'll say, `I could go for a hot dog right now,' and I know just what he means. It makes us laugh, and no one knows it means we're horny!"

--Abby, 25

• "My guy gets off when I dress my sexiest and then go out in public and flaunt it. After turning a lot of heads, we go home and he tells me how lucky he is while we're making love."

--Deb, 27

• "Sometimes when my guy gets out of the shower, I'll blow his body dry. The coolness of my breath on his warm, wet skin sets him into gotta-have-it motion. When we're through, he needs another shower!"

--Leanne, 28

• "My boyfriend loves to feel in control, so sometimes I'll let him dominate me a little, and it drives him wild. He ties me up, whispers naughty things in my ear, and has his way with me. Then we trade positions and I take charge."

--Sara, 25

• "When it comes to oral sex, I'll tease my boyfriend and refrain from giving him too much stimulation all at once. I start by slowly moving my tongue up and down his penis, making sure I'm really gentle. Then when he starts begging for more, I'll get my lips involved, alternating the pressure. The changes in pace anti rhythm practically make him scream."

--Christianne, 25

• "My fiance and I like having sex in really small places--like in a car, on a chair, or even in a closet. He loves that he can position me against a wall or the back of the chair without having to hold me up. It's our guaranteed-to-both-come-quick trick."

--April, 25

• "I pamper my guy with an allover body massage, but not just arty massage! First, I let him watch while I rub off on myself (he usually asks to help, but I don't let him!). Then I have him lie down on his stomach, and I rub the oil 'all over him by lying on top and moving my naked body up and down his. He's ready to get down to business before I even start to use my hands."

--Simone, 28

• "I give my man what I like to call the hot and cold treatment. I get a cup of ice and a cup of hot tea. First, I put the ice in my mouth, and when my tongue gets really cold, I give him intense oral sex. Then after a sip or two of hot tea, I take him in my mouth all over again and do my thing. The changes in temperature against his skin absolutely kill him!"

--Diane, 28
30-39

• "I don't worry about my body during sex. If I feel icky one day, I'll just put on his work shirt and leave it on, or I'll dim the lights and use candles to enhance the mood. That way I can let loose and enjoy myself."

--Ashley, 28

• "My fiance loves when I lubricate his penis with lotion and then run my hand up and down it while twisting my wrist in a corkscrew motion. The key is to rub over and then back down the head of his penis every time. He says I'm very talented."

--Hillary, 20

• "I rub an ice cube up and down my guy's back. He squirms when the water drips down his body--and when I lick it off, he's in ecstasy."

--Kate, 23

• "Sometimes my guy and I speak with foreign accents while we're having sex. It always, gets us giggling. I think it's sexy when you can laugh while you're doing the deed."

--Sybil, 24

• "When we're in the missionary position, I don't just lie there. I move with my man. And I don't force myself to try to have an orgasm--I prolong it and wait for that uncontrollable feeling to just take over my world."

--Evelyn, 23

• "I have my man enter me from behind as I squeeze my vaginal muscles around his penis. He says it gives him an incredible orgasm."

--Dana, 28

• "I'm a conservative dresser, so sometimes to shock the pants off my guy, I'll wear a short skirt, heels, and bright red lipstick. When he gets home, he just grins mischievously."

--Giselle, 26

• "My boyfriend and I use at least three different positions each and every time we have sex--and we never get bored!"

--Michele, 24

• "Instead of going straight for his penis, I tease my man by kissing and licking his inner thighs and stomach. It gives him time to anticipate the thrill he's about to get."

--Maya, 23

• "When I tell my guy I'm not wearing any underwear when we're out in public, he's all over me."

--Karen, 28
40-50

• "I add a risk factor to make sex exciting. If my guy and I are having friends over, we'll do it in the kitchen right before they arrive. It's the ultimate quickie experience."

--Gina, 27

• "When my guy and I perform oral sex on one another, we always have something minty in our mouths. It creates an exciting hot-cold sensation. Now we buy Altoids in bulk."

--Pamela, 27

• "When I'm on top, I like to pull one leg up along the side of his chest and leave the other straight out behind me. Then I'll slowly alternate legs. The muscle contractions drive my man crazy."

--Adrienne, 26

• "All have to do to send my guy over the edge is tell him I'm leaving the light on. He knows that's my way of telling him, `I'm ready to give you oral sex--and you can watch.'"

--Tracy, 24

• "I'd heard that people get super turned-on after exercise. So we jump in the shower after a run, lather each other up so we smell great, then go have wild sex. It's exhilarating."

--Emily, 27

• "There's a mirror on my closet door that I angle right at my bed. When my man and I get busy, we have the perfect way to watch, which is a total turn-on for us both."

--Jen, 25

• "I e-mail my man short erotic stories that I write myself. Then when we're together, I ask him to act out everything that I sent to him. It's a great way to communicate my sex fantasies, and he loves it because he knows I'm more open about what turns me on than I ever could be when we're lying in bed together face-to-face."

--Jill, 27

• "When I'm alone, I dream about all the exquisite sexual things my partner and I are going to do later on that night. Like if I'm doing the dishes, I imagine him coming up behind me and running his strong hands over my hips, pulling me closer to him. Or I dose my eyes when I'm in the shower and think about what his lips will feel like when he kisses my naked body. By the time we see each other, I'm totally aroused and ready for mind-blowing sex! And anticipating the thrill makes me hotter than normal--which excites him beyond belief."

--Carolyn, 22

• "Since my fiance and I are both so busy, we have what we call Naked Night every Wednesday. We take off all our clothes when we get home after work, keep the TV turned off, and concentrate all of our energies on each other. It gives us something to look forward to and gets us through the workweek with a smile."

--Julie, 27

• "My boyfriend and I have a mental checklist of all the states that we've had sex in. Our goal is to hit all 50, It's fun and it makes for really hot pull-off-the-highway sex when we're road-tripping. He loves the thrill of doing it in the car, especially if there are people around."

--Shauna, 28

• "My guy and I like to have what he calls stealth sex. We try to do it as quietly and with as little motion as possible, making sure the bed doesn't squeak. We perfected our technique in college when we both had roommates--and it's really hot!"

--Stacy, 24


By: Jena Hofstedt, Cosmo

A Master Traveler Tells All

Insurance salesman Dean Burri is on the road 300 days a year, and relishes every liftoff and layover. Why? We tagged along to find out

EXACTLY 24 HOURS and four cities after we awoke, Dean Burri volunteered his assessment of my traveling skills. "I'd call you a travel enthusiast," he said, taking a puff of a Cuban cigar at a bar inside Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. "You understand the fundamentals of being a road warrior, but you still make too many amateur mistakes." It was a harsh critique, but that was exactly why I had spent the last two days trailing Burri. Last year the 41-year-old insurance salesman (he peddles policies to Catholic institutions like parishes and convents) spent almost 300 days on the road--that's six weeks in the air. He logged more than 400,000 miles, and this year he will probably beat that. Burri doesn't even own a car--he rents one when he lands at home in Clearwater, Fla., where he lives with his wife and six kids. "I would just as soon fly to Hong Kong for Chinese food than order delivery from the place around the corner," Burri says. This was somebody I could learn from.

DON'T GET STUCK

Several hours before our flight from Newark to Pittsburgh is to depart, Burri sends me an e-mail. It details the FAA ground-delay program for that day, the weather report in New Jersey, and--based on some detective work on Continental's website--the route our incoming plane is taking. And having identified a few trouble spots, Burri had checked availability on two backup flights. He swears that this type of worst-case scenario planning is vital--and countless times has saved him from getting stuck. Burri prefers morning flights, since they're more likely to be on time. He also avoids the last flight of the day (if it's canceled, you're out of luck).

UPGRADES 101

Call it Burri's law: If a first-class ticket isn't much more than double coach, he'll buy it. Otherwise, the hunt for underbooked planes (where he has a better chance of an upgrade) begins. Seat maps on airline websites can tell you that flights through Cleveland, for example, are often less crowded up-front. Sometimes he'll even book two one-way tickets on different carriers to see which one will upgrade him (he pays a change fee to use the second ticket later).

THE SECRET OF A ONE-BAG TRIP

"Laundry!" Burri proclaims loudly in the mezzanine at Newark. And hotel laundry is what allows Burri to carry only one piece of luggage: a medium-sized Tumi shoulder bag. Inside is one extra suit, four dress shirts, underwear, socks, a laptop, work documents, and a wireless router. His suits are custom-made by Alfred Dunhill in London with a military-grade lining to handle the stress of a heavy shoulder bag. Inside the jacket are five custom pockets for gear, including cellphone, passport, and two travel humidors.

TRYING TO KEEP UP

Shadowing Burri in an airport is like following a Porsche around in a Toyota Corolla. Though he's 6-foot-5 and 340 pounds, he has the agility of a left tackle. When I ask how he always manages to be first in line for everything, he looks at me quizzically. Clearly this is not a skill that can be explained to mere travel "enthusiasts" like myself.

THE PERKS KICK IN

One reason Burri finds traveling such a snap is that he's a member of Continental's "Chairman's Circle." It's a top-secret, invite-only frequent-flier program usually reserved for VIPs and CEOs, and members get a special reservations number and priority upgrades, and can request an airport escort whenever they fly. Being a top customer, and a rather opinionated fellow, Burri has also become a sounding board for Continental execs (they recently asked him to try their new phone voice prompting system). But even if you don't have Continental CEO Larry Kellner's private e-mail, as Burri does, he insists the fastest route to first-class service is to make airline employees laugh. When he first boards and the flight attendant asks him if he wants a drink, he invariably responds, "Can I have a seat-belt extender on the rocks?" He always gets a smile.

MAKING TIME FLY

Arriving in Vegas from Houston, I finally realize Burri loves to travel because he sees it as a game. Later this month, he tells me, he's flying from L.A. to Honolulu to Guam to Manila to Taiwan to Macao to Hong Kong to Seoul to Tokyo to Newark and back to Tampa, all in seven days. What's more, he's doing it for fun: The idea is to hit airports he hasn't been to before. How will he spend all that air time? Apparently the endless strategizing doesn't just apply to travel, which explains Burri's new obsession with Bollywood DVDs. "They give you the most bang for your buck," he says gleefully. "I bought 800 movies for $4 each!"

6 STEPS TO A BETTER TRIP
Avoid Bad Weather Pick the right hubs to change planes. In general, the farther south the airport is, the better. Never book the last flight of the day.
Be Funny If you make airline employees laugh, you'll get far better service.
Skip Full Flights If you want to upgrade, check seat maps on airline websites and choose flights that have the most open seats in first class. Midday and night flights often have more availability.
Don't Fight the Law Avoid booking the aisles in first class, since that's where air marshals often sit. You could get bumped.
Carry On Only amateurs check bags when they're traveling for business. Burri uses hotel laundry to keep going for weeks at a time.
Charge It Buy one adapter that can charge everything. (Burri likes Igo Juice, igo.com.)

CARRYON LIP BALM, LOTION, AND MORE
Modern Flight
Most business travelers wouldn't dream of checking their bags. But now, thanks to stringent regulations about what liquids and creams can be carried on, more travelers have resigned themselves to bad breath and messy hair. That just wasn't an option for Jodi Nass. A recently retired 25-year Wall Street vet, she heard about the initial TSA ban and "a light bulb went off in my head." The solution? A line of travel products called Fly Dry that could pass security. "I knew in the old days there wasn't liquid toothpaste or soaps," says Nass. That led her to an old-time soapmaker in Texas. "These things have been around forever, but no one had really wanted them," she says. At first, the shampoo and conditioning bars look scary, but a recent test showed they work nicely (men and women's kits are $49 at flydry.net). And for men, Smart Fixx H20 Styling Strips turn into gel with a splash of warm water--perfect for hairstyling on the run ($9 at most drugstores). — B.G.

By: Gimbel, Barney, Fortune, 10/16/2006

Travel Tips

Security Precautions Worth Remembering

“Effective security precautions require a conscious awareness of one’s environment, as well as the need to exercise prudence, judgment, and common sense,” stresses Michael McCann, former Chief of Security for the United Nations. “This is especially true where the traveler must acclimate to different cultures, customs, and laws. Personal security cannot be delegated to others; it is a responsibility of each one of us.

“People traveling abroad on business should be aware that they may be targeted by terrorists, criminals, intelligence agencies, or even just a business competitor if they’re in possession or knowledgeable about proprietary information.”

According to McCann, the top 10 mistakes traveling business executives make are:

Broadcasting the “bling-bling.” Americans appear committed to showing off their affluence with flashy jewelry and actions. When traveling, it is best to maintain a low key, nonattention -getting demeanor so that you blend into the crowd. Leave the expensive gold watch at home along with the designer luggage.




Being distracted by technology. Chatting on a cell phone while traveling through unfamiliar international terrain means that person is not focused on the here and now. An individual cannot be alert to his or her surroundings and assess potential danger when answering text messages, working on a notebook computer, or talking on the phone.

Wallet overload. Many executives fail to clean out their wallet before journeying overseas. When traveling, take only a few credit cards and leave all nonessentials at home, including gym membership identification and personal photos. Carry a minimum of cash and use Credit Cards and traveler’s checks along with a money belt that can be worn under your clothes.

Enraptured by the lure of the penthouse suite. Corporate executives often like the expensive suites on the top floors. However, hotels in other countries do not meet the same safety standards as in the U.S. and the highest floor can be the most dangerous place to be.

Broadcasting country of origin. Leave the Yankee cap at home, and do not wear overtly American brand labels on your clothing. Corporate logos are to be avoided and do not put your name and address on the exposed portion of your luggage tag. Place a copy of this information inside your luggage and be sure it includes your office address and phone number rather than your home information. Instead of renting a big American car, use a vehicle that is local to the country you are visiting.

Indulging in overpacking. Travel with carry-on luggage only. Waiting around in a foreign airport for lug gage signals you as a mark and, if it does not arrive, you are the last person standing at the airport. Carry a laptop bag that does not look like a traditional computer bag.

Failing to remain continually vigilant. Before traveling, find out about the local surroundings, customs, and conditions. Learn what crime problems exist–e.g., pickpocketing or terrorism–where you are visiting. Know the car model and name of your chauffeur before you get into the vehicle. Provide a different name than your own–such as your mother’s or wife’s maiden name –to put up on the sign at the airport exit so that you cannot be followed or tracked. Travel in pairs, and only take direct flights.

Failure to duplicate. Carry an extra photocopy of your passport in your luggage. Leave a copy of your official ID information in your home and office, including driver’s license and credit cards.

Not being medically prepared. Healthy traveling necessitates carrying an ample supply of prescription medicines along with the original container should a refill be necessary. Learn what medical coverage you have in the country you are visiting and whether it applies to emergency care.

Failure to communicate. Before departing, set up the time you will call your home and office each day. Update your emergency contact list and leave a copy of your schedule at home and the office.

“Be sure to carry a business card from the hotel with you at all times.” McCann concludes. “Many executives travel so much and suffer fatigue; they simply forget where they checked into. If you are traveling in a country and do not know the language, you can show the card to an authorized cab driver or to the police. Keep contact information for vital organizations handy, including the American Consulate and the local police and fire department.”

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